after years and years of political arguments with conservative assholes, i'm finding myself picking fights with leftists these days. when people bicker over the ill-informed subtleties of the power of one's dollar or the motivations and complexities behind humans holding a political office, the holes and the flaws within these arguments start shouting out and the self-righteous attitudes begin looking so much uglier. and it's not necessarily the self-righteousness. sometimes it's just the fact that it makes people feel better about themselves for doing things like giving up meat or buying shit from a smaller independent store or trying to ride their bike more or reading a noam chomsky book or turning off the lights when they leave a room. maybe it's the post-capitalist nihilist in me, but i think these forms of self-absorbed philanthropy are on par with spending an hour in front of the mirror before going out for the night or having a kid to fill empty holes in hearts or drinking yourself stupid or showing off new things to people who don't give two shits.
i think i'm just having a hard time finding the beauty in humanity when all i can see is subconscious ulterior motivations and inherent selfishness in every move made.
i don't write anymore and i don't know if i want to.
also, i've been putting of peeing lately. i just never feel like i want to get up and pee, so i don't. then three hours later, i have to pee real bad, so i finally do. i hear that's unhealthy, but i'm ok with it.
i just wrote a whole song in about an hour and felt really good about it all. the lyrics and melody seem to work together and it's about something i've been attempting to put into words since high school.
i recorded a rough copy of it and after listening to it, i realized i just wrote Gardenhead/Leave Me Alone by jeff mangum. goddamnit.