Tuesday, April 28, 2009


I gotta poop, but there are only two sheets left, and that is most certainly not enough.
So I'm holding it until class.

Today must be productive.  Overproductive even.  I will forge an interview with my grandmother and talk about the great depression in a way that will make my teacher think, "oh, this essay isn't anything but ordinary," and then stamp a B- on it so I can move on to bigger and better things and get all this shit out of my brain.

Roh, I beat Half Life 2 yesterday.  I feel accomplished.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

They were born beautiful


I don't know why I feel so sad today.  Last Fun Haus show, and I was almost crying for most of it.  I don't really know why.  Played a shitty set, but swooned for the Mess.

And it's bothering me that I'm letting other people get to me.

last night was wild, this morning was natural, and now I don't know what to feel.

Halfway done with your mix.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

A promise to myself

Locational stability can and will not turn into psychological stagnation.  It will become a rebuilding phase of largely lonely proportions, friend fueled vigor, and an endless quest for something that feels ok.  Hopefully it will also afford time to appreciate and indulge in the finer things in life.  Namely travel, music, and dissent.  
Preparation for real instead of the bullshit I've been fed for the past 22 years.

A poetic versing of how I would like to feel helps in convincing me that it is good to feel this way.  For your health.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I thought of a good title earlier today.

But really, my chest feels like jello.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

losing the things I thought were most certain.
gaining pragmatic attempts at existence.

and i can't decide why it hurts so fucking bad.

I suppose it has nothing to do with a decision and more the realities of life in the present.
I've been coming up with single lines lately that go nowhere, and it makes me unhappy that i can't make connections.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Orange soda.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


Last night I dreamt my death for the first time in my life.

70mph head on collision.
in the rain.

everything went black and i felt dark tumbles and splatters and then a thud.

am i dead?  

There was a flashing moment of fear, as I'd lost my body but still had my mind.

i woke up, looked around to assure myself that my limbs were intact, and closed my eyes again to dream.

Monday, April 13, 2009

I just feel gross.

On the bright side, I also just got a sweet glittery sticker with a pentagram turned into a mouse head on it.  White Mice put on a rowdy show.

In regard to nearly everything in my life:
I'd like to reconcile the fact that I give a fuck with the fact that I don't want to give a fuck.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

When You Talk About Music

Last night was a silly time.

The Cubs won in fine fashion, and I made my way to the place where all the cool kids hung out.  I talked to Roxanne for a while, and probably came across as a young weirdo.  But she's used to hanging out with young weirdos.  She made at least one.  I think we had some nice talks about Bruce and beers and the F word.  
I also talked to some girl that is an aspiring astronaut.  I've never met anyone that planned on doing something like that, but I suppose it's just as romanticized as playing rock and roll or changing the world with books.  
I fell down and my sheets are bloody this morning.  Not in any sexual conquistador manner.  I mean my knees are scabbed over and looking gross.  I probably looked like a doofus when I was walking home with Austin during our soft and stoic talks.  

I don't know what I'm attempting to do with this post.  I just woke up in a blur and now I'm going to eat breakfast.

Friday, April 10, 2009

big ugly things brew
big ugly things
they hide in my ribcage.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Deep Cuts: two nights ago, i ripped open my toe with a nail.

Getting sucked back into This American Life.

I forgot about the incomprehensibility and absolutely loveliness of this program and Mr. Glass' voice. Phillip Glass' second cousin.  Also, he's a total babe.

working working working.  Annotating collating organizing scheduling brainstorming.
+figuring out my life

all the drugs and habits are still there, sometimes they just change their clothing, or put on a funny hat.

I'm gonna go make coffee and ride my squeaky bicycle to the library.

Monday, April 6, 2009

I think I'm going to eat lots of cheese and ranch dressing in the coming weeks.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

I just realized that my second celebrity crush is Janeane Garofalo.

So now I'm wikipedia--ing her instead of beginning either of the two presentations I have to give tomorrow.  This is going to be a very difficult month of forcing myself to give a fuck about things that seem much less important than anything else in the world.  I'm gonna go poop now.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

i don't know how i feel.

if you were to ask me, "hey scott, how are you?"
i would say, "i don't know."

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

My numb digits

Today my blood was tested for anemia and diagnosed with Raynaud's disease.  It's not as ominous as it sounds, and mostly means that my fingers and toes get colder than they should.  This normally happens when the temperature is, in fact, cold.  Or when there's lots of stress involved.  

I was told to get fill my body with the ginko biloba, and i think i could boogie with that.

drunk friends in my house and i just got April fooled with a bucket of warm water on my socks, and it warmed up my toes real good.  

Now drunk friends are  playing a Woody Guthrie song that convinced my dad that Woody Guthrie wasn't an activist and made me laugh right in his face.  I felt awkward about it, but sometimes that guy is a dummy.

PS. The positive correlation between more people sharing a fridge and the speed of your personal stock of food disappearing is as astounding as it is frustrating.  Godfuckingdamnit my almond butter is gone.