Friday, January 13, 2012

Sometimes your neighbors are having very rhythmic sex above you.

Sometimes your roommate is gracious and drives your car to work to pick you up because it's the first snow of the year and has been snowing all day.
Sometimes your car is unreliable, because it was made in 1989 and you don't take particularly good care of it.  A light starts flashing on the dashboard while you're stopped at a stoplight and the light says "BATTERY."
You say, "Fuck," and your roommate pushes the 1989 Camry toward the side of the road while you steer and gesture meekly at the cars behind you to "go around," but they're hesitant because it is very snowy. 
When you get to the side of the road you say, "Godfuckingdamnit," and then, "My girlfriend has my fucking AAA card." You feel angry and know it is not justified.
Your roommate starts making phone calls because your phone is dead and the slush builds up around your feet while you smoke cigarettes in the street.
Your roommate is also making phone calls because you can't keep a cool head or stop swearing.

Friends drive up in 45 minutes and jump start your car.  You say "Thanks so much. I owe you guys so many beers," and as they drive away, the light on the dashboard that says "BATTERY" comes back on.
You swear some more. It sounds like a balloon being deflated.
With one foot on the brake and the other continuously pumping the gas, you attempt to get back on the road and call someone that cuts you off "a cunt," and feel awful about it even though he couldn't hear you.  To be fair to yourself, the dude was driving like an asshole.
Sometimes you mutter words of encouragement to your 1989 Camry the whole drive home with a constant foot on the gas pedal.  Things like, "Come on baby."

You make it to your street and the car dies while you are trying to parallel park.  It's funny though, because everyone laughs.



  2. :( I am so sorry. I will hand deliver it today. Winter blows and so do cars.